Lunatic Parade-105
by gabriel ricard
Summary: Episode five of the demented and sad Lunatic Parade series with special guest stars Stone Cold Steve Austin and Hulk Hogan! Plus! Ronfar loses the hand he useses to (CENSOR) Hey what the- madness!!!!!!


Lunatic Parade-105 

Lunatic Parade-105

Written by Gabe "Space Ghost JR" Ricard

Disclaimer: Nothing is mine so don't sue me

With three…count em…THREE major epics in the works…one of which is the sequel to Evil Dead Dark Carnival. Plus, season two of Final Fantasy 7 is on the way as well as the conclusion to Pulp Tenchi. What else…a few more episodes of MST3K season 11. There's a bunch of great stuff on the way! Oh THIS story? Another wacky, fun filled episode of Lunatic Parade. I'm such a sellout…wasn't I badmouthing this stuff awhile back? But that was when I was living off my sweet Amadeus fan fic…which was garnering tons of reviews. The original Clerks story too…but now? Forget about it…no one reads my stuff…unless it's a fucking list…or a dumbass rip-off of Space Ghost…no one read my cannibal kittens story…NO ONE DAMN IT!!!! MY WRITING CAREER IS A FUCKING SHAM!!! A SHAMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Sorry. Let's get on with…whatever I'm writing.

Hiro: So…do monkeys really smell like that?

Stone Cold Steve Austin: Yep

Hiro: They don't really molest the other animals do they?

Stone Cold Steve Austin: Well…ya gotta cut their nuts off as soon as they get home. Some will just bite them off for ten bucks

Hiro: And who does that sort of thing?

Stone Cold: Ya know a guy named The Rock?

Ruby: Oh my god!

Ronfar: The burger barked!

Ruby: GOD DAMN IT RONFAR CUT THAT SHIT OUT!!

Leo: (Walking by with a six pack and a lesbian porno mag) Language Ruby

Ruby: Anyway…Hiro…

Hiro: That's my name. Don't wear it out or you'll have to buy me a new one

Ruby: I did…remember when your name was Mike Tyson JR?

Hiro: And remember when I said to be LOW KEY about that Ruby?

Ruby: No

Hiro: So, what do you want?

Ruby: Did you know we've been on for over ten minutes?

Hiro: Really?

Ruby: Yep

Hiro: Steve…did you know about this?

Stone Cold: WHAT?

Hiro: Excuse me?

Stone Cold" WHAT?

Hiro: Stop that!  
Stone Cold: WHAT?

Hiro: Now!  
Stone Cold: Kay…you know I'm WWF Champion? (Holds up belt which is somewhat obscured by the TV screen)

Hiro: So, who's responsible for this?

Lucia: Ronfar

Ruby: Ronfar

Nall: (Appearing out of nowhere) Ronfar!

Lemina: (Appearing with Nall) Ronfar! And I love you Jean!  
Jean: Ronfar and not at work Lemina

Hiro: Ronfar! Come down here for your reward

Ronfar: You know…only a fool would go down there. That's why I'm going there! (Heads down the studio) What's the dillyo Hiro?

Hiro: Hold out your hand…

Ronfar: Which hand?

Hiro: Whichever one you pleasure yourself with

(Ronfar holds out his right hand and Hiro slices it off)

Ronfar: OWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!! (Bleeds all over Lucia and runs away)

Hiro: Wasn't that fun?

Stone Cold: Hell yeah

Hiro: On with the show

Lucia: I'm going to clean myself up

Jean: Can I do it?

Lucia: No!  
Jean: I have a realllyyyy cool sponge

Lucia: Can I just BORROW the sponge?

Jean: No

Lucia: Then, I'll just go to the bathroom (leaves)

Hiro: Jean…about your now overbearing lesbian tendencies

Jean: Yeah?

Hiro: Keep em up! The ratings have gone from 10 to…15 people!

Jean: I want my pay raised

Hiro: How about I just buy you that Courtney Love box set

Jean: Okay

Hiro: Great…so Steve?

Stone Cold: Yeah?

Hiro: How many times have you held the WWF world title?

Stone Cold: Six times…I'm tied for the record with The Rock

Ruby: So, you beat the Immortal Hulk Hogan's record of five correct?

Stone Cold: Yep

Ruby: And how do you think he feels about that?

Hiro: Ruby…what are you doing?

Ruby: Quiet you…how do you think he feels? Sad maybe?

Stone Cold: I don't give a damn

Ruby: Well, you better because he's here at the studio and he wants to kick your ass! So get out here you bald bastard!  
Stone Cold: But Tenchi Universe is on!  
Ruby: Chicken

Stone Cold: I'll be there in twenty minutes

(Hulk Hogan walks in)

Hulk: What's up?

Hiro: The sky?

Ronfar: (In the control room with one arm badly taped up) Unless you're Chicken Little 

Ruby: Shut up Ronfar!

Ronfar: Sorry

(Stone Cold suddenly appears and smashes Hulk Hogan in the head with a chair. Hogan and Stone Cold began fighting all over the studio. Lucia returns and is promptly knocked out the part of the window/wall behind Hiro's desk. Austin hits a stunner on Hogan and knocks his head clean off in the attack)

Ruby: NOOOOOOOOO!!!! (Falls on Hulk Hogan's decapitated body and sobs deep, bitter tears)

Stone Cold: Hell yeah! (Drinks several cans of beer)

Nall: Can I have one?

Stone Cold: (Stops suddenly) There's only two left…and one of ems mine

Nall: Then I'll take the last one

Hiro: The hell you will! (Leaps across his desk and slices Nall in half)

Stone Cold: You earned it! (Throws Hiro the last beer, the two toast off over Nall and Hulk Hogan's dead bodies as Austin's music begins to play)

Jean: Where's Lemina…?

(Walks over next to Jean, watching Hiro and Stone Cold Steve Austin celebrate wildly) 

Ronfar: She went off to see Sailor Uranus and Sailor Neptune and discuss battle tactics or something…

Jean: That tramp! (Runs off)

Ronfar: It's so cool that Jean can be open with her feelings like that…wish I could be like that

Leo: What do you mean Ronfar?

Ronfar: YOU know what I mean Leo

Leo: Indeed I do…

(DRAMATIC MUSIC)

End.

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